So, it is now July 9th, 2010 (a day before one of my papers is due- which I have as of yet, barely started), but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! This is the second last course I have to complete before the MA portion of my PhD is finished.
Even though I fully intend on stopping after the MA coursework is done, in an ironic twist of fate I have been offered a ridiculously competitive doctoral scholarship to continue on with my studies. Now, any grad student would have jumped for joy at the sight of this offer, but all I could think was…”Why me?!!”.
The scholarship supplies a very “nice” amount of funding for a period of three years. I come from a very humble (euphemism for ‘poor’) upbringing, and leaving behind any amount of guaranteed money (especially this amount) in exchange for guaranteed financial uncertainty is definitely labeled as thoughtless and frivolous. Some grad students have even suggested that I should stick around just for the cash, but I can’t do it.
I am so scared of what life outside of the extremely structured academic ladder will look like, but my excitement far outweighs the dark thoughts. I know it will be tough (I’ll probably have to waitress for a while before I end up where I want) but I am so willing to do this in exchange for the freedom to become who I want to be.
I’ll be applying to practical programs in the coming fall, and I really do look forward to this year off (even though I know there will be difficult days where I will feel like kicking myself in the butt for retreating from the “comfortable” and familiar torture that most grad students come to know all too well).
I have started taking an acting class, and I’m really enjoying it. I think I’m good at it, and others seem to think so as well. I will be looking at finding an agent in the coming months (a process I’m all too familiar with). It feels good to be acting again (something I’ve had to leave behind since the tail end of undergrad).
I’ll be applying to a postgraduate television and film writing and production program (that’s a mouthful!). I’m interested in every aspect of the entertainment industry, and I am currently working on several screenplays. My partner and I should be filming our first feature in the early autumn. That should be an adventure.
Anyway, if anyone in cyberspace is in a similar position – giving up cushy funding in exchange for uncertainty – hit me back! Write something.